Initially, I intended to write an article about trees for a local publication. I didn't know where to start, but I had a few ideas, so I turned to YouTube University. I then came across this fascinating short documentary about the language of trees— if you’re interested, I’ve embedded the video at the end of my work.

This poem started from one random stanza about transmuting doubt and slowly began to take shape into this coherent poem, and shit I’ll say it, channeled message. At the time, I was worried and doubtful of my path, but my spirit team blessed me with understanding and the ability to see past what was in front of me. I could go on and on about the things I’ve learned since my initial “awakening”, or even since taking this recent leap of faith, but hopefully, I can use my work as my medium to share my knowledge and experiences.

While I always feel like my writing can be “better”, I’ve decided not to do mental gymnastics on what to change or keep. This is what it is right now, and I'm fairly content with it.

Just starting is enough; everything else follows.

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When I planted this seed

The land was barren

And the rainfalls withheld for reasons we could not yet fathom

A purging, maybe?

With that being said,

I never expected your branches to wrap around the clouds or the wind to carry my voice across the seas, drifting on the melodic winds

Swaying from coast to coast.

When I planted this seed, I was perplexed with doubt and worry

But instead of fretting

I feed you with nothing but love,

showering you with the droplets of my tears and water from my well.

Now, these were not tears of sorrow

But tears of triumph.

As a little birdie came to me,

On the branch of the tree

it sat

Perched

watching my every move.

As if hoping for me to acknowledge its presence

When I looked to the sky,

Waiting

With its beautiful song, I knew it was confirmation.

I watched my doubt crumble into fertile soil,

planting my seeds

giving way to

This [collective] effervescence,

blooming into the wildest of dreams

To the sky, it reached

Surpassing my hopes and dreams

Now

Grounded in my joy

Rooted in my presence

I spread these seeds and watch as all the surrounding trees sprout up and begin to bear fruit

I watch the mother tree

Rebound

And spring from its death bed

Ready to welcome us to her kingdom

In this garden

We grow

plentiful here

There is no race

to reach the stars,

the moon

or the sun,

No need to be the tallest

The largest

Or finest tree

The only currency we need is our energy

And to stay grounded

We live in synergy

In our natural being, we thrive

Collectively.

At the start of this journey,

I was almost ignorant

It was the fear of the things I could not see.

But I took the time

To look below,

To look within.

While I looked to the sky from time to time

My head stayed leveled

with my eye caught in the tunnel

Hardly ever wavering

The only thing that gave way to the beauty of life

Was you

When I saw you plant your seeds

I wondered how your tree could thrive

In a space so brittle

It wasn’t until

One day

As I sat and pondered

And it struck my world

Like lightening

Setting my skin ablaze

fraying the edges of my mind

while declaring the distinction between the awakened and the living

Finally, it stuck out like a sore thumb

It was a lifeline you offered me

“Start your garden”

You pleaded

“We need your seeds…

Or live in barren land,” you said.

And what more did I need

When I had everything

To succeed

With your roots planted in the ground

You promised it all

To me

I saw the vision

So I looked below

I looked within

When I began to dig

I saw what you meant

Your roots spanned over

Miles and miles

Connecting you to every tree from East

To west

And north to south.

Through this delicate system

You watered me

And you watered them

As you watered yourself,

The remains trickling down

And dispersing in ever which way

Giving way to the sprouting of new seedlings

And the cycle repeated.

Here in the garden

The fruit is fresh

And free

Untainted,

unadulterated,

unobliterated

The old— effaced by purity.

The evolution and

Matriculation of the seedlings

has led to this beauty.

Here, the animals roam free

And the aqueducts springs from the ground

Providing everlasting relief

Renewed by the light

We bask in this retreat

And rejoice in eternal freedom

With no worries

no problems and

No fears

Here

Is a safe space for everything sacred

So I ask you now, why haven’t you planted your seeds?

Preface:

At the turn of the year- as most people do to usher in a new year- I found it appropriate to rid myself of clutter–physical, mental, and emotional. As I sat on my couch as a new homeowner, I peered around at my surroundings, wondering how this once-dreamed ideal became my reality. In deep thought, I questioned what this next chapter called for me to keep, and let go in order to continue blooming. It then led me to reflect on the decluttering I had to do to get to this very moment. While the homebuying process required me to meet financial obligations, this closing chapter of my life forced me to question both my values, as well as the areas in my life in which I consistently fell short. It required me to collide with my shadow like a head-on collision- and integrate the parts of myself that were wounded, neglected, and hidden. 2024 was not only a year of self-discovery but also a year of meeting myself at the core of my deepest wounds. To say the least… it wasn’t easy, but it was raw, it was real, and it was necessary.

In the cliff notes version of my 2024, the themes of self-worth, self-sabotage, confidence, and individuality were redundant, being mirrored back to me through the reflection of my peers, coworkers, and family. Last year felt like an everlasting purge, a time of purification, preparing me for the ultimate fool’s journey,

(Disclosure: I am no Tarot expert!)

In Tarot, a 78-card divination system, the number 0, represents The Fool and is the first card of the Major Arcana. [What is the Major Arcana you asked?? Great question my love! The 22 Major Arcana cards, each detail different archetypes along this cyclical journey of life, creating one cohesive story (similar to that of the hero’s journey). These cards represent major life themes in the deck. Through symbolism, colors, characters, and many other detailed aspects, with a little help from one’s intuition, messages can be channeled using varying degrees of cards, details, and questions. Now that you’re caught up,] The Fool card is one of the most powerful and symbolic cards in the deck, representing themes congruent to new beginnings, potential, spontaneity, and a leap of faith. After turning down a 6 figure government job, buying a house, and quitting my previous job, I guess you can say I am definitely embodying this fool energy!

While I can acknowledge how far I’ve come, the journey of healing is neverending. Therefore, when it comes to starting, I still have a ways to go, so here I am once again, cleaning out this closet.

Frankly, the idea of starting something new has always brought on a gut-twisting and uneasy feeling of anxiety, and not the kind that injects a slight excitement into you. Instead, this notion of beginning anew has always brought on a mortifying impending doom type of feeling. Consciously or unconsciously, my fear of starting manifested as consistent procrastination, delays, and constant overthinking and reasoning with myself on why I no longer needed to start said venture or project. It was a way to bypass my shame. And worse, a way to live in the comfort of my conditioned belief systems about myself, and even the world.

With everything from A-Z running through my mind, the mental exploration of all the ways said thing could go wrong, or the thought of even putting myself out there (for so long I have had a very deep-seated fear of being seen) was debilitating enough to consider my dreams deferred, for yet another not so brief moment, causing me to rest tirelessly in this harrowing cycle.

My anxiety and fear not only existed around being seen, but it was also the innate terror that anything I started would crumble at my fingertips, not be good enough, or my erratic and sporadic attention span would deem another brilliant idea, incomplete; or, myself labeled as incompetent, incapable, or a term that stuck to me often growing up- LAZY. I continued to allow the labels placed upon me by loved ones, peers, and naysayers to rule my self-image; I held onto these words as I began to know them as truths of my core being, wearing each title/name as if they were my skin.

Mentioned in a quote mentally tucked away in the back of my mind, author Paulo Coelho expresses his thoughts on personal growth. He says,

Taking these words to heart, over the culmination of several years, I have begun to do the work. I have gone into the recesses of my subconscious to unpack, acknowledge, and FORGIVE MYSELF (and others) for past mishaps and decisions fueled by my negative self-talk and poor self-image. And it has all led to this moment, allowing me to choose which reality I would like to live in; one where I fall victim to my ego and shadow; or one where I AM in control.

Given all that I know now, I've decided to leave these worries, doubts, and fears by the wayside as I pursue liberation and freedom instead.

In this next chapter, freedom resembles rejecting external validation. Freedom means pulling back the useless and harmful layers of conditioning and projections set upon me, to instead, discard them as if they were nullified ideas. Instead, I challenge myself to simply be, to live as blissfully, colorfully, and freely as children do.

In the past, I’ve let fleeting emotions like fear and doubt consume me. I trusted others' opinions, thoughts, and direction over my own. I neglected to act on my intuition and stuck to the status quo, with hopes that if I played the game, I would “win”, even though I knew it wasn’t the life I was meant to live. But through many lessons and self-reflection, I’ve come to see that I was never meant to be a stand-in, I was never here to play small, or even play the game at all. So as a vow to myself (and the collective, yes my dear we’re all interconnected, but that’s a poem for another day), there are no more delays, no more unrivaled doubt, no more playing it safe. I’ve decided that my new chapter and new life starts with my rebirth, here and now.

I am liberated.

I am present.

I am unapologetic.

(Yes, no matter how cringe or quirky, lol)

To my mutuals that come across this personal vow, I want to hold space for those of you who may have a similar experience.

While I know this is no easy task, it can be fruitfully rewarding. So I challenge you to do one of the scariest things to date. To start. By this act of defiance against everything and everyone who said you couldn’t, or shouldn’t, even if it's your own echoing voice in your mind, I dare you to defy your shadow and to stand toe to toe with it. I dare you to take control. And may your waking day become lucid, creating the life of your wildest dreams. And with that, I ask you to ponder these questions.

What are you trying to avoid by not starting? Why are you avoiding this thing? What core belief about yourself is this avoidance tied to? When was this negative core belief planted in your subconscious?

Lastly, cheers, to A Fool's Journey!

So sincerely,

Syd

P.S.: Whenever and however you come across my work, I truly appreciate you taking time out of your day to interact with and read my work. Thank you!